Couples and Sex Addiction Recovery - Interview with Carol the Coach

Carol the Coach is a great resource for sex addiction recovery. I became aware of her many years ago from her interesting interviews with sex addiction experts like Dr. Drew and Dr. Patrick Carnes. I appreciate how she gives a voice to so many issues that people face in sex addiction recovery.

I was recently interviewed on Carol radio podcast, and we discussed the impact of sex addiction on couples and what they can do in the early stages of recovery. 

One of my takeaways from our interview is that partners need three things: safety, connection, and trust. I also appreciate how she spoke to the importance of being present for sexual activity with your spouse, and how keeping your eyes open is a great way to be in the moment. 

Carol the Coach has interviewed sex addiction experts for over four years now, and she also writes prolifically on her blog. You can download her podcasts on itunes as well under Carol the Coach. 

Thank-you again Carol for the opportunity to discuss some of the important issues facing couples in early recovery. If you're experiencing the effects of sexual addiction as a couple, feel free to download my free trust recovery kit, which helps couples who have encountered betrayal begin the recovery process. 

Here's the full interview! 

 

 

High Expectations in Relationships

High Expectations in Relationships

It’s hard not to feel the gravitational pull to excel at life. We are continually bombarded with articles and social media posts about extraordinary achievements. Living an ordinary life can feel like we’re falling short. 

When we have high expectations of ourselves, we often hold our partners to similar standards. This can lead us to being critical of our partners, seeing them as less-than because they do not share our values. For example, one of my clients characterized her husband as unmotivated because he preferred to relax on Sundays, rather than tackle their to-do list. If this judgment continues, it can lead to a negative view of the relationship, and wondering whether we have chosen the right partner (John Gottman calls this Negative Sentiment Override).

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Sometimes Relationships End (A Non-Traditional Success Story)

As a psychologist who practices couples therapy, I’m always rooting for my clients to be in happy, long-term relationships. However, sometimes clients decide to end their relationship during the couples therapy process. I’d like to share a story with you about how one couple decided to end their relationship after pursuing couples therapy. 

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Using the Gottman Method to Decrease Conflict (A Case Study)

Using the Gottman Method to Decrease Conflict (A Case Study)

Approximately six months ago, I was visited by a young couple who were having communication problems in their relationship. On our first meeting, they shared, “it’s weird, because we don’t have one specific topic we argue about. It’s just that things get heated really quickly over little things.” They were right: it wasn’t what they were arguing about that was the problem, but how they were arguing. 

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The Gottman Method for Couples Therapy

The Gottman Method for Couples Therapy

Ever wondered why some couples stay together and others get divorced? Thanks to John Gottman’s research, we have never been closer to understanding this question. 

The Gottman Method is a couples therapy based on 40 years of observational research. John Gottman and colleagues studied relationships for many years, but he developed his findings into a couples counselling method after meeting his wife, respected clinician Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. 

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Why Fear is the Stickiest Emotion (Guest Blog Post by Kelli Walker)

Why Fear is the Stickiest Emotion (Guest Blog Post by Kelli Walker)

If your struggle with anxiety looks anything like mine did, you probably get frustrated by how easy it is to remember the fearful stuff (that one time I had a panic attack in the grocery store and couldn't go back for months without it feeling like I was walking into the lion's den) and how hard it can be to remember the good stuff (that gorgeous sunset from last night).

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What is Love Addiction?

What is Love Addiction?

Are you searching for that perfect partner, but feel continually disappointed in relationships? Do many of your relationships develop quickly then end abruptly? Are you attracted to people who are emotionally (or otherwise) unavailable?

Love addiction is an intimacy disorder in which individuals look to romantic partners to rescue or fill a deep emptiness. Most people with love addiction have not had healthy models for intimate relationships, so they create unrealistic fantasies to fill in the void. 

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